Friday, March 27, 2009

My ORACLE (the owl)

I have been asked by many in the Empire to explain a little more about ORACLE (the owl).  So, here is the story of how I met ORACLE and what he does.

oracle I first met ORACLE near Headquarters (HQ) a couple of years ago while I was wandering around bestowing my benevolent domination on various things.  He was perched on a low branch in a tree, and was so still, I barely noticed him.  In fact, if I were some other animal (such as Minion #1 [@tipperthedog]), I don’t think I would have noticed ORACLE at all that day.  I, however, having extra-keen powers of observation, immediately noticed ORACLE and inquired as to his name and business there at HQ.

ORACLE told me that his name is ORACLE and he asked me what I was doing there at HQ.  I replied that I asked him FIRST.  He said that he would tell me his business after we have a meal together because that is what civilized animals do – have meals together.

I called Minion #1 and had her prepare a bowl of kibble for us.  ORACLE refused to touch the kibble which I thought was rude for such a civilized animal as himself, but then spotted SPYCAT (enemy!) who was about to mangle yet another vole.  At this point, ORACLE swooped down upon the vole, removing it from the clutches of SPYCAT’s paws and – you are not going to believe this – he swallowed the vole whole.

I was concerned about this since the Empire is allied with the voles, but ORACLE assured me that he was ensuring that the vole would not suffer at the hands of SPYCAT.  …which I suppose made some sense.

In any case, ORACLE explained to me that I should continue to keep SPYCAT at bay and that he would provide me with the emperor-like wisdom, expert advice on dominating things and news of other parts of the Empire.  I wasn’t too sure about it until he explained to me that all great emperors have an ORACLE to advise them and if I was a great emperor, then I needed an ORACLE too.

Here is some of ORACLE’s recent advice:

“Good counsel has no price.”

I THOUGHT that this meant that his advice was free, but ORACLE is always asking for something such as food or nesting materials.


"Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown."

This is indeed true.  I used to wear a crown, but it was so heavy and I had to hold my head just right to keep it from falling off that I ended up getting a neck-ache.  See, this is the type of advice makes me think that ORACLE is so wise.


“Cry 'Havoc!' and let slip the dogs of war, that this foul deed shall smell above the earth.”

When ORACLE said this, I assumed that he was talking about my poop, but on later reflection I realized that this was not true.  I now understand that he was talking about Minion #1’s poop (which is MUCH more foul than mine).


"You could be bounded in a nutshell and count yourself a king of infinite space.”

I THINK he means here that I am large – ok – FAT.  He thinks I am fat.  But I will have EVERYONE know that I do NOT take up infinite space.  I only take up the amount of space that fits comfortably under my blankie.


“How now? A rat? Dead, for a ducat, dead!”

On this matter, I do think that poor ORACLE was confused.  Those were dead VOLES, not RATS that SPYCAT attacked.  Also, he mispronounced the word “cat”.  It is probably due to his strange accent.

Anyway, that is the story of how I met ORACLE (the owl) and a brief explanation of his role in the Empire.  Please let me know if you have heard of any other ORACLEs as wise as this one.

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